Chapter 22: Memories Like Smoke (Part Four)

A night of restful sleep. Su Nanxing opened his eyes to find daylight streaming in, gazing up at an unfamiliar ceiling with a trace of confusion—then the memory of Tao Ming lying with him came rushing back.

He turned his head; Tao Ming was lying on her side at the far edge of the bed, her back to him, leaving an arm’s space between them. He edged closer, reaching out to wrap his arms around her, his hand brushing against her proud curves, instantly kindling his desire. He nuzzled against her lightly.

Tao Ming blinked awake in a daze and, seeing Su Nanxing leaning in for a kiss, promptly pushed him away. “It’s early, and neither of us has brushed our teeth!”

Su Nanxing looked aggrieved, his expression pitiful. “You have to take responsibility for me!”

Tao Ming recalled the blissful intimacy of the previous night, thinking to herself that only after sleeping together could you truly know if you were right for each other.

“I never said I wouldn’t.” Tao Ming felt clear-headed and refreshed.

Su Nanxing pressed close to her. “Tell him that yourself.”

...

It was nearly noon before the two of them finally got up. They went out to eat together, and when they returned, Su Nanxing trailed behind Tao Ming like a shadow.

At last, Tao Ming had enough. “Don’t you think a person needs a bit of private space?”

Su Nanxing feigned innocence. “I’m just your personal belonging!”

“I don’t recall having such a large personal item! What exactly do you want?” Tao Ming said irritably.

Su Nanxing grinned cheekily. “Since I’m your belonging, I should stay at your place. I want to move in.”

The thought of another person in the house made Tao Ming a little uneasy, but since they had already spent the night together, living together seemed only natural.

While she hesitated, Su Nanxing added, “You can’t just leave me after having your way with me!”

Tao Ming felt a twinge of annoyance—was that even the correct way to use such a phrase? Was he taking advantage of her for being an engineering major?

Su Nanxing continued, “Your place is closer to the office. Besides, if I move in, you won’t have to squeeze onto the bus anymore. I’ll drive you to and from work every day.”

In the end, Tao Ming relented. “Fine. If you want to move in, go ahead.”

Su Nanxing immediately changed his shoes and prepared to leave.

Tao Ming was surprised. “Where are you going?”

Su Nanxing flashed a brilliant smile. “I’m going back to get my things and cancel my lease.”

“Go on, then.” Tao Ming just wanted some time alone.

But before nightfall, Su Nanxing was back, carrying a backpack and dragging a suitcase.

Tao Ming frowned. “That was fast.”

Su Nanxing opened his suitcase and began placing his clothes into the bedroom wardrobe. “I’m a man; I don’t have much stuff. As for the apartment, I gave up the deposit and canceled the lease right away.”

Tao Ming gritted her teeth. “What a spendthrift!”

Su Nanxing quickly produced a bank card and handed it to Tao Ming. “This is all I have. From now on, you’ll handle our finances.”

Tao Ming refused to take it, turning away. “We’ll split everything fifty-fifty from now on!”

Su Nanxing was bewildered. Fifty-fifty? Was he, a grown man, supposed to go Dutch with the woman he loved? How embarrassing! If his childhood friends ever found out, he’d never live it down. Clearly, he’d have to be clever about this.

...

And so, Tao Ming and Su Nanxing began living together. Their life was cozy and peaceful: they commuted together each morning and evening, stopped by the market on their way home, and cooked meals side by side—unless they felt lazy, in which case they’d eat out.

The only thing Tao Ming resented was that she could no longer play video games every day. Whenever she wanted to, Su Nanxing would pout and whine, “I spend all day at work coding and making games. When I come home, I don’t want to see another game. Besides, I’m much more fun than a game—come play with me!”

Faced with such unreasonable behavior, Tao Ming had no choice but to indulge herself only when Su Nanxing worked late.

Just two months after moving in together, Su Nanxing took Tao Ming home to meet his parents. Strangely, he didn’t resemble either of them much, but he explained that he took after his uncle. His parents beamed at Tao Ming, urging them to marry and have children.

Seizing the moment, Su Nanxing proposed, and Tao Ming accepted, bringing him back to her own family. Tao Banxia hesitated, searching for words, but ultimately gave them her blessing.

They registered their marriage, and once again Su Nanxing handed Tao Ming his bank card. Together, they picked out a new apartment, settled on renovations, and chose furniture.

They held two wedding banquets, which Tao Ming remembered as exhausting, and soon after, she became pregnant with their daughter, Ruanruan.

At the final ultrasound before the birth, Ruanruan was curled up inside Tao Ming. The doctor said the baby was too big for a natural turn and recommended a cesarean section.

Su Nanxing went to the doctor’s office to sign the liability waivers. When he returned, his hands shook so badly he could barely hold a cup. With so many women in his clan having given birth—including his own mother, who had five more children after him—he’d never realized how perilous childbirth could be. Even though he was confident Tao Ming would be fine, and even if something did go wrong, he had the means to keep her safe, the explicit list of risks on the paperwork still made him tremble.

On the day of the operation, Tao Ming was wheeled into the surgical suite. Su Nanxing paced anxiously outside, as lost as a leaf swirling in the autumn wind.

Finally, the nurse emerged with a tiny baby in her arms. Su Nanxing rushed forward. “Where’s the mother?”

The nurse was unfazed. “They’re still stitching her up.”

Looking at the tiny newborn in the nurse’s arms, Su Nanxing didn’t know where to begin, afraid that a single careless touch might break her.

Tao Banxia took the baby and, with her in-laws, returned to the ward.

When Tao Ming was wheeled out of surgery, the first thing she saw was Su Nanxing, eyes brimming with tears, rushing over to her. “I was scared to death! Thank you for everything!”

Tao Ming looked around—where was her own mother? This wasn’t like the TV dramas, where the husband and mother-in-law vanished, and the birth mother stayed behind.

Su Nanxing was still fussing, but Tao Ming reassured him, “Don’t worry. I spent hours gossiping with the doctors and nurses, didn’t feel a thing. Even now, you could pinch me and I wouldn’t feel it—the anesthesia hasn’t worn off. I tried; it’s like pinching a piece of pork.”

Su Nanxing’s face darkened.

During her confinement, Su Nanxing took care of everything, an exemplary husband and father. Watching him busy himself for her and the baby, Tao Ming felt she’d married the right man.

After her month of rest, Tao Ming, uneasy about leaving Ruanruan with just the nanny, resigned to become a full-time mother.

Those happy days passed swiftly—until, one day, Su Nanxing disappeared for several days before returning.

He asked for a divorce, saying he had no choice, and urged Tao Ming to take Ruanruan and leave. He promised he would find them again one day.

Tao Ming’s pride kept her from breaking down; she didn’t cry or make a scene, but handled the divorce quickly and decisively.

On the day of the proceedings, they sat side by side on a bench outside the divorce office, waiting their turn. The couples around them all seemed cheerful, nothing like the dramatic, tearful scenes on TV. Su Nanxing looked the most miserable, followed closely by Tao Ming.

The couple ahead of them was chatting and laughing, breezing through the process and parting with smiles.

Tao Ming reflected on how much times had changed.

When it was their turn, the clerk, face like thunder, questioned them as though they were criminals. They filled out countless forms, signed their names over and over, pressed fingerprint after fingerprint. At last, the clerk stamped their marriage certificate with a bold “void,” and handed each of them a divorce certificate.

Walking out of the marriage registry, Tao Ming felt lost and hollow.

Su Nanxing’s eyes were red as he said, “Wait for me.”

Then he vanished from their lives.

...

Immersed in memories, Tao Ming sat in silence, tears flowing down her cheeks.

How could it not break her heart? She was only holding herself together.

In the deep quiet of the night, those beautiful memories were like knives twisting in her chest, leaving her in agonizing pain.

Tao Ming sat alone on the sofa all night.