Chapter 24: Truly Superficial

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PS: Damn Holy War Day, the torches of us proud members of the FFF Brigade have already burned out.
“No gods, no Buddha, no angels.” As Yuri recited the password, the russet-red door swung open.
“This is our ‘Anti-Angel Operations Headquarters.’” Yuri took the grand armchair at the head of the table, leaning on her elbows in a pose reminiscent of Commander Ikari.
“So many people,” Hao Ren counted; besides Yuri, there were nine others, including Otonashi, who lay sprawled on the sofa, clothes in tatters, unconscious.
“Oh, so you’re the new recruit this time? You don’t look very tough.” The dark brown-haired youth wielding a wooden sword sized Hao Ren up like a street punk.
“Let me introduce him, everyone—he’s the new guy, Koji.”
“Hello, everyone. My name is Koji.” Hao Ren awkwardly touched his face.
“By the way, Yuri, weren’t we supposed to discuss the name of our front today?” The blue-haired man who’d been shot in the head last night—his ‘Immortal Body’ was truly wondrous, not a scratch on his face.
“That’s right. Any thoughts? Speak up.” Yuri’s spirits soared; she folded her arms, legs propped on the desk.
A pity—the desk could have offered a glimpse of her underwear if it were just a bit lower.
“How about this: ‘You’re the One Who Dies Front’?” Wooden Sword Guy suggested.
“Wouldn’t that mean I get killed?” Yuri shook her head.
“No, no, obviously it means that woman.” The Angel, perhaps?
“Then look at me.” Yuri stared at Wooden Sword Guy and pointed at herself. “‘You’re the One Who Dies Front.’”
Her expression was murderous.
“Ugh, not good. Really feels like I’m the one who’ll get killed…” Everyone, Hao Ren included, took a step back in unison.
“Any other ideas?” Yuri glanced around.
“Isn’t this cool? ‘Rotating Lantern Front.’” Blue Hair looked hopeful.
“Doesn’t that mean we’re about to kneel?”
“How about ‘Suicide Squad Front’?” The speaker was well over six feet, built like a bear—his massive frame conjured images of Alaska’s land kings, the grizzly.
“Isn’t that like we’re already resigned to die?”
“‘Desperate End Front.’” The speaker was a short-haired girl with the same pinkish-purple hair as Yuri, dressed in a similar school uniform, but her figure far surpassed Yuri’s—her assets were simply in a different league.
“Doesn’t that mean there’s truly no way out?” Yuri pointed her toe at the girl.
Hmm… black stockings, tempting.
“Then, how about ‘Invincible Fleet’?” A pure, innocent-looking boy suggested.
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“That’s not even a front anymore…” Her right foot drooped in resignation.
“‘Jade Shatter Team,’” Wooden Sword Guy was asking for trouble.
“I’ll punch you, you know.”
“‘Wright Brothers’,” Blue Hair stubbornly insisted.
“What the hell?!” Yuri slapped Blue Hair right across his deserving face.
“Honestly, the name must end with ‘Front.’ That is non-negotiable.” Yuri placed her hands on her hips; Blue Hair sobbed, clutching his face.
“We stand at the very front of this battlefield. Can’t we pick a more serious name?”
“Hey, isn’t this guy already awake?” Hao Ren pointed at Otonashi, who’d just come to, looking completely bewildered.
“Oh, you’re up. Koji, you and this guy should think about it too.” Yuri gestured at Hao Ren. “You’ve been listening for a while now. Surely you have ideas—let’s hear them.”
“Me, too?” Hao Ren felt he had little presence.
“What are you talking about?” Otonashi’s eyes were dead.
“Of course, the name of the front.” Yuri acted as if it were obvious.
“I’ve got it—how about ‘Crossing Life and Death Front’?” Hao Ren had not a hint of black penguin in him. “We all exist between life and death, so I think the name fits.”
Hao Ren was prepared for Yuri to tear him apart, but to his surprise, everyone exchanged glances.
“That’s a good one!” Blue Hair grabbed Hao Ren’s shoulders, shaking him back and forth.
“This is it, what do you all think?” Yuri, hands on hips, announced loudly.
“Not bad for a newcomer,” Wooden Sword Guy praised.
“Truly superficial,” came a voice from the shadows in the corner. A long-haired girl, hair down to her waist, arms folded, leaned against the wall—her presence was minimal.
“Is that so? Superficial, huh…” Hao Ren slumped in disappointment; he’d been quite proud of his naming skills.
“Don’t mind her—it’s just Shiina’s catchphrase,” Yuri said with a smile to soothe Hao Ren’s wounded little heart.
“Do you have anything to say?” Having comforted Hao Ren, Yuri turned to Otonashi.
“‘Whatever Chaos Front.’”
“Oh, you dare defy Yuri? That takes guts.” Wooden Sword Guy feigned drawing his sword, revealing its blade.
“I mean—just do whatever you want!” Otonashi sprang up, rage igniting. “What even are you people? Don’t drag me into this! I wish I could disappear sooner!”
“Want to disappear? Even though you’re still alive here?” The black-haired, bespectacled man raised his right index finger to his glasses.
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“Yes, that’s right.”
…
While Otonashi argued with the others, Hao Ren stared in astonishment at his quest list.
Dungeon Task: Stage One—before the “Excitement Syndrome Operation” officially begins, join the “Crossing Life and Death Front” and be acknowledged as a comrade by more than half of the main story characters. Only players who complete the Stage One task within the time limit are eligible to proceed to the next stage. Stage One reward: unknown. Failure: erasure.
Hidden Task: “Change the Front’s Name.” The new name must be recognized by the boss of the “Afterlife Front,” Yuri Nakamura, and more than half the main members. Completion reward: random. Penalty for failure: none. (Completed)
Reward issued.
“Player 73950 has received one skill card. Due to player 73950’s actions, dungeon task changed, reward: 131 LP.”
…
How magnificent the Rule of Gold! Such bounty! These random dungeons are full of surprises.
Staring at his balance of 160 points, Hao Ren drooled endlessly, then checked the skill card.
Skill Card: “Sichuan Cuisine Master”
Skill: “Sichuan Cuisine Master” Lv (0/500)—expert in all Sichuan dishes. All Sichuan dishes made in the game dungeon will become restorative food, with random restorative properties. This skill can be improved by cooking or by spending LP points.
What use is this? Cooking is so much trouble!
Wait…
I remember Kanade Tachibana likes mapo tofu…
He learned it at once.
“Truly superficial.”
Damn, I just have a tiny bit of unrealistic fantasy about Kanade Tachibana. Can you really see through my innermost thoughts and mock me so sharply? What a terrifying woman!
“Truly superficial.”
Damn it, I really am a shallow man—to have such lewd thoughts about an angelic girl like Kanade Tachibana. Living under the same sky as you all is an embarrassment.
Hao Ren burrowed into the opposite corner, completely lost in self-loathing.
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