Chapter Thirty-Seven: Not the Chest, but the Hips
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ps: Failed the exam—I've been a bit unhinged these days.
"Is it my turn? What a waste of time." In 801 characters, she grumbled lazily and began without any ceremony.
One point.
A gray square.
Square attribute: No attribute, no event occurs.
"Lucky!" She seemed quite pleased, bowing her head to resume typing on the keyboard. Her body slid forward one space in a kneeling posture, an eerily unnatural motion.
"My turn!" Hao Ren mimicked drawing a card from a duel deck, sacrificing 3 LP.
"Player 'Black Flame Dragon' spends 3 LP to draw the item card 'Zhushan's Prototype Electric Scooter.'"
Item: "Zhushan's Prototype Electric Scooter." After use, dice number becomes 2; disappears after taking one instance of damage. Note: Please call me Kleist.
Oh, nice! Something useful at last.
Time to ride my beloved little scooter~
Roll the dice.
6 + 4 = 10.
Riding his little electric scooter, Hao Ren sped ahead, leaving the others behind by ten spaces.
A green square.
Square attribute: Random event; a random incident occurs.
Suddenly, a slot machine appeared in front of Hao Ren. He glanced at it—lots of symbols, but in the end, only two outcomes: LP point reward or deduction, with the ratio being 1:9 in favor of deductions.
Anyone else would probably have collapsed by now, but with his "Golden Rule," Hao Ren felt zero pressure.
Pull the lever and wait for the result.
As expected, it was the classic triple sevens.
"Player 'Black Flame Dragon's' current LP * 7. 'Golden Rule' triggers, doubling it again."
127 * 7 * 2 = 1,778
Holy hell! That’s incredible! Glancing back at the others, he saw that, aside from the frantically typing 801, the other two had eyes so red they were about to drip blood! Especially the black-haired uncle, gritting his teeth with envy, jealousy, and hatred. Thank goodness the exact numbers weren’t displayed, or their glares would have pierced him.
However, the Golden Rule was now exposed...
This is getting dangerous. Should I consider taking them out? Hao Ren understood the principle of not flaunting one’s wealth.
Second round.
Lilith draws a card.
"Player 'Lilith' spends 3 LP to draw the item card 'Noda's Great Axe.'"
Item: "Noda's Great Axe." ATK +10, remains effective in the item slot. Note: My great axe is thirsting for action!
Lilith looked delighted—finally, something powerful.
Dice!
Six points.
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She overtook Hao Ren by a space, arriving first at the back entrance of the dining hall.
"Little brother, how many LP did you get? Want to tell your big sister?" Lilith fluttered her lashes at Hao Ren.
"I think you should worry about yourself first," Hao Ren replied, suppressing a wave of nausea as he pointed ahead of Lilith.
The back door was wide open, but filled with Go-board-shaped laser traps—clearly a dead end.
"Player 'Lilith' has reached the first checkpoint and must complete a specific task to proceed."
Suddenly, Lilith vanished. About three minutes later, she plummeted from above, drenched in blood, landing three spaces behind Hao Ren.
"Your period?" Hao Ren asked after thinking for three seconds.
"Period your ass! Let me have a sip!" Lilith, furious, leapt up and lunged at Hao Ren.
But as soon as she left her square, she was bounced back by an invisible barrier.
"All game players cannot step out of their designated spaces. Since this is player 'Lilith’s' first offense, half her LP will be deducted as a warning."
Lilith, injured on top of her previous wounds, spat out a mouthful of blood and fainted.
Lilith: HP 90/190
What the hell happened? She lost 100 HP.
But since she was unconscious, there was no asking her anything.
The man with the dense black hair rolled the dice.
Four points.
He landed on the same square as Lilith.
"Player 'Dense Black Hair' and 'Lilith' encounter each other—battle triggered."
The uncle, stunned, and the unconscious Lilith both vanished.
Nearly ten minutes passed with no sign of them. Bored, Hao Ren pulled out his portable game console and started playing Monster Abuse.
Just as he was being crushed by the Superior Boar King, the two reappeared. The uncle was at death's door, foaming at the mouth; his lower half had turned into a limp little worm, also drooling foam. Lilith, on the other hand, seemed full of energy, her skin flushed—well, sorry, her skin was so dark I couldn't tell if her face was red. Hao Ren also noticed that the blood stains on Lilith’s body had disappeared, replaced by dried streaks of some unidentifiable liquid along her thigh.
Good grief, you certainly live up to your name. Even the uncle wasn’t spared—nothing is too much for you!
Lilith: HP 159/190
Dense Black Hair: HP 1/80
That uncle is on the brink of collapse! Lilith drained 69 HP from him!
Useless uncle, you’re nothing but a blood bag!
801’s turn.
Roll the dice! She was completely ignoring the game—by the way, you’re the one who used the special item, right? Are you sure this is okay?
One point.
Another attribute-less square.
"Oh oh oh! My click rate just went up! I can't believe that after only two days of streaming, I've gained so many readers!" 801 suddenly shouted in excitement.
Turns out it was a BL novel livestream! 801, your notebook can actually connect to the internet!
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Wait, but is this the internet of this world or the real world? If it’s this world’s net, all I can say is: Glory to the great fujoshi circle!
To be able to invade the game world—what a mighty force!
Hao Ren’s turn.
Too much spare LP, time for another draw.
"Player 'Black Flame Dragon' spends 4 LP to draw the item card 'Gourmet Plaza’s Special Mapo Tofu.'"
Item: "Gourmet Plaza’s Special Mapo Tofu." HP -10, MP max +5; can be thrown to inflict HP -10 on an enemy and cause a burning effect. Burning effect: dice points -1 for three turns. Note: Only a true hero deserves to eat this.
So it can be used as a bomb—good to know.
Dice!
5 + 2 = 7
Still forcibly stopped in front of the laser trap—looks like I have to clear the checkpoint before moving on.
Hao Ren suddenly felt weightless and found himself in an ordinary classroom. In front of him was a plain desk with two photographs on it.
"Here are two comparison photos of female SSS team members’ chests. Within five minutes, identify the owners of both pairs and give their names. Timer starts now!"
00:00:00
…
Is this sexual harassment of SSS members? Or do you, Mainframe, think I’ve reached the level of identifying people by their chests?
With no other choice, Hao Ren picked up the photos.
After careful observation, Hao Ren drew three conclusions:
First, the left side was more voluptuous and rounded than the right.
Second, the spacing was somewhat asymmetrical.
Third, Mainframe, this part you’ve cropped—we usually call it a butt. I may not have watched a lot of videos, but you can’t fool me like this!
Hao Ren was completely clueless—he hadn’t yet mastered the art of recognizing people by their butts.
Thinking about Lilith’s earlier blood feast, he guessed the checkpoint tasks were randomized, but in terms of sheer absurdity, recognizing butts easily trumped the blood feast.
Oh well, I'll just randomly name two people.
"Left is Shoko, right is Yuri." Sorry, Yuri, I’m not mocking you—blame your flat figure.
"Correct answer. First checkpoint clearance granted. Proceed."
You’re kidding! I guessed right?
As the laser grid vanished, Hao Ren stepped through the back door of the dining hall.
"NPC 'Yuri Nakamura' has begun to hunt player 'Black Flame Dragon.' Starting from the beginning, moving as a player with 2 dice."
Cold sweat poured down Hao Ren’s face. Looking back at the starting point atop the stairs, Yuri was loading bullets into her magazine, her expression grim and bloodthirsty.
It’s over! The faction boss has gone berserk!